• Victoria Carmel

When I Was Young; Today. [a letter]

Updated: Jan 12, 2019

When I was young; I would play sorceress with my mom's candles, creating mixtures, potions and spells all over the dining room table.

When I was young; I would run through my jungle, my fortress, the grass-paved streets of the world I created in my imagination, in the backyard between a 12-foot fence and the railroad tracks.

When I was young; I would speak my mind, unfiltered, say it like it was... my truth dripping off every inch of my tiny being.

When I was young; one day I would wear bright colors, frilly pretty dresses, then the next over-alls, soccer uniforms and baseballs hats. I dressed for my mood, the moment, I changed my outfit as often as I pleased.

When I was young; everyone around me was my hero, they could do no wrong, people were just people to me, there was no separation between race, size, gender or religion.

When I was young; I loved deeply, I cared for my friends always having them over to play. I was unafraid to help them, a child crying in daycare two years my senior. I was full of joy, caring + generous with nothing of monetary value really ... but I gave anyway.

When I was young; I dreamed of staying that way forever. I hoped and I prayed that the summer vacations would just slow down, that time would stay on my side so I could remain in this place forever. Free.

Thank God, my prayers have been answered.

Today; I have my rituals, my meditations, my bodily movements and tarot cards, crystals the pure Earthy magic unleashed.

Today; I travel the World. My feet carry me through the deserts, jungles, up mountains, under water + beyond ... I have seen the sights my childhood imagination could never dream I would.

Today; I speak my mind, unfiltered, I say it like it is ... my truth dripping off every inch of my womanly body.

Today; sometimes I wear bright colors other days frilly dresses, then the next I wear my painting overalls or running clothes + baseball hats. I dress for my mood, in the moment + change my outfit as often as I please.

Today; everyone around me is a hero. I trust people are good souled human beings, that they don't want to do wrong, but at times the love they have comes out messy. There is no separation of race, size, gender or religion, for me.

Today; I love so deeply. I care about my friends, my family near + far. Grown up play dates are incredibly outrageous and ecstatically wonderful. I am unafraid to help those I see in need and no matter your age, job title or place in this Universe I am a comfortable rebounding source of love when you need.

Today; I realize I am forever young. That I am living my life on permanent summer vacation. I can speed up or slow down time with my mind. I am present, connected and Earthed into my body.

I am here. I am me.

I am inside out a child living as an adult woman, as a child.

There is peace within.

Thank God, my prayers have been answered.

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